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I am an Interviewer
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Oh my it's, 'I am an interviewer...'

Well... yeah
HERE IT IS......

   The beginning...
   7:00 P.M.
Host: Hi and welcome to the show.
Audience Member #32: The show is terrible!
Host: [picks up tomato and chucks it]
Audience Member #32: AAAHHH!!!!
Host: Anyway, our special guest star tonight is... SLIPKNOT!!!
Audience: booooooooooo!!!!!!!
Host: Hey, look we have a tight budget. We couldn't even afford a CLOWN.
Slipknot: Hey. [screams]
Audience: Boooooo!!!!!!!!!!
Guy with pointy mask from Slipknot (will be known as pointy guy from now on): Be quiet! [chucks mask into audience]
Audience Member #45: Oh god my face!
Host: Get up here already!
Singer Guy: [screaming and pointing mindlessly]
Host: Okay. Okay. HURRY UP!!!!!!!!!
    The REAL beginning...
    7: 08 P.M.
Host: So you wear masks, what is the reasoning behind that?
Long Nose Guy: We have acne.
Singer Guy: Be quiet! [slaps]
Long Nose Guy: [cries and leaves stage]
Host: um... yeah.
Gas Mask Guy: [ camera gradually zooming in] I believe that our music brings fire into the souls of people [camera stops zooming in] in other words, we burn them.
Host: Interesting.
Clown Guy: I like Barbie.
Singer Guy: Be quiet.
Host: Is that all you know how to say?
Singer Guy: No.
Host: Okay.
Singer Guy: I have to agree with the gas mask guy, A.K.A. Cuthbert. I...
Gas Mask Guy: That's not my name, duhhhh..........
Singer Guy: I know.
Gas Mask Guy: Okay.
      This is getting weird...
      7:25 P.M.
Host: Well, it's time to bring our next special guest for DA RAP ZONE!!!
Singer Guy: What's DA RAP ZONE????
Host: DA RAP ZONE!!! You mean?
Singer Guy: Yes, I mean DA RAP ZONE!!!
Host: DA RAP ZONE!!! is basically when two special go head to head in a series of challenges. Our next special guest is... PARIS HILTON!!!
Audience: Boooooo!!!!!!
Paris Hilton: I want THAT ring!
Host:Your not in the jewelry store, Paris.
Paris Hilton: Darnit!
Host: Your first challenge will be jumping through rings of fire.
Clown Guy: I'm scared.
Gas Mask Guy: Are we allowed to burn the auience?
Host: No.
Gas Mask Guy: no!!!!!!!!
Host: That's right, no. Anyway, long nose guy was going to go first, but he's a cry baby, so he got expelled.
Audience Member #5: Hey, you've been expelled a lot too, Mr. Host.
Host: Oh my god! It's Springfield!
Homer Simpson: I've got some food in a ditch over here.
Host: That's disgusting.
Homer Simpson: You're EXPLELLED!!
Host: D'oh!
    [back to the show]
Host: Stop bringing me random flashbacks! The first up to jump through the rings of fire is... Singer Guy!
Singer Guy: Okay. [jumps through ring of fire; hits fire; lights on fire; runs around screaming]
Peter Griffin: I think he's dead [pokes corpse with stick]
Host: Where the heck did you come from?!
Peter Griffin: Front Door.
Host: D'oh!
   Challenge #2- 7:38 P.M.
Host: Finally, that took to long. Our next challenge will have to involve enlisting the help of an audience member... um... [picks random person] you! Wearing the sushi costume.
Sushi Man: Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss...
Random Guy: Waste of space.
Sushi Man: Can I continue?
Random Guy: Sure.
Sushi Man: ssssssss.
Host: Get down here!
Sushi Man: [runs down stairs]
Host: Okay, in this challenge you will have to guess what kind of food you are eating, but first, sign this.
Sushi Man: [signs page] Wait, what does it say?
Host: Nothing.
By signing this you hearby agree that the show 'I am an Interviewer' is not responsible for any brain damage or probable death that occurs when you do this DA RAP ZONE!!! challenge.
Signed: Sushi Man
[back to 'I am an interviewer']
Host: Now, put on this blindfold.
Sushi Man: Can't you just make Slipknot do it?
Singer Guy: ssshhh... [whispers to other band members] try to be inconspicous.
Clown Guy: Well, we're wearing masks.
Host: Danielle, bring out the first food!
Danielle: What do think this food is?
Sushi Man: Is it thi...
Danielle: Your eating my arm!
Sushi Man: Sorry. I am a zombie.
Danielle: Oh no that means that I'ma lso going to turn into a zombie! [turns into zombie]
   The fight
   7:47 P.M.
Audience Member #56: Eww... that's sick! Danielle is biting my arm! [turns into zombie]
Host: Let's run fot it! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Gas Mask Guy: I'm free!! Yipee!! [runs outside]
Singer Guy: Well, at least he's safe.
Sushi Man: [makes zombie noises]
Host: OH MY GOD!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! [runs around]
Peter Griffin: The following scene is very grues... AAAHHHH god my arm!!! [turns into a zombie]
Host: This remind of that time...
Host: Mom! Jenny Craig is at the door!
Host's Mom: Again! [muttering] Well, I'll see what she... [opens door]
Jenny Craig: [stuck in door] Help me! AHH! [falls through]
Host: Well [bangs forehead] that's just ironic! [laughs]
     [back to 'I am an Interviewer']
Audience Member #21: How does that remind you of that?
Host: I don't know.
Audience Member #21: Well, anyway, let's go.
Host: Okay.
Narrator: So they left bringing nothing but the shirts on their backs and a donut. STay tuned for the next episode!


    The start of the second episode
    7:00 P.M.
Host: Hi and welcome to another great episode of... Spinny's Wheel of Misfortune!
Audience Member #87: It wasn't like this last episode!
Host: [whispers into walkie talkie] Security.
Audience Member #87: [being dragged out] I'll be back!
Host: Anyway, since Danielle turned into a zombie last episode, we blew her head off. Our next co-host is... Paris Hilton! You unfortunatly survived the zombie attack! Paris, will you do the honors of introducing our contestants?
Paris Hilton: Sure thing, Host. First up, Zxsre the Hobo!
Zxsre the Hobo: I'm so desperate I eat my own chesthair.
Paris Hilton: [laughing] Next, ME!!! Third, Pointy Guy Zombie from Slipknot.
Pointy Guy Zombie: Brains... Brains... Brains...
Paris Hilton: [still laughing] And last but still least, Dr. Nick Riviera
Dr. Nick Riviera: Hi, everybody!
Audience: Hi, Dr. Nick!
Dr. Nick Riviera: Eat my new suntan lotion.
Paris Hilton: That was a joke, right?
Dr. Nick Riviera: No!
Host: Let's get this show started, shall I... I mean we?
   Let's go already
   7:10 P.M.
Host: Zxsre the Hobo, you're up first.
Zxsre the Hobo: [spins wheel] I have false-false teeth.
Host: It looks you landed on........ 10 kicks in the butt!
Zxsre the Hobo: What, but... [gets kicked] OWWW!!!!!
Host: [kicks 9 more times, then wipes sweat from his face] Phew! That was my workout, time to stuff my face [takes out bag of chips, eats contents in one bite, stuffs bag into mouth and eats it, too] I believe that Paris, you are up next.
Paris Hilton: [talking to somebody off stage] I said that I wanted a 24-karat ring, not a 22-karat ring. You can't do anything right! [starts crying]
Host: Paris.
Paris Hilton: [On floor having a temper tantrum]
Host: Paris.
Paris Hilton: [ingnoring]
Host: PARIS!!!
Paris Hilton: What?
Host: It's your turn.
Paris Hilton: Oh. [gets up and spins wheel]
Host: It looks like you also landed on ten kicks in the butt.
Paris Hilton: But that's so unfair! They all say that!
Host: Sshh, now, this won't hurt a bit. Hi-ya! [kicks butt 10 times]
Paris Hilton: [rubbing butt] Ow!
Host: And I was going easy on you. Dr. Nick is up next, what, Doctor! Stop eating suntan lotion and get up here!
Dr. Nick Riviera: Whoops, sorry everybody!
Audience: Hi, Dr. Nick!
Dr. Nick Riviera: I said SORRY! SORRY!!!!!!! [slaps head, then sighs] People just don't listen to me anymore. [walks up and spins wheel]
Host: [gasps, then slaps face] You also landed on 10 kicks in the butt!
Dr. Nick Riviera: Jus... OOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!!
Host: [kicks 10 times] Wow, what a thrill!
Audience Mmeber #33: [yelling] That's not the only thing you like to do!
Host: Wow, look! Gigli is playing! I better buy tickets!
Movie Theater Guy: That'll be $300.
Host: It's worth every $300 that I spent.
Host: [in the theatre] Wow, this is amazing. [looks around] I'm surprised I'm the only one in the theatre.
    [back to 'I am an Interviewer']
Host: It's time for a quick commercial break, but when we come back, it's going to be great!
Guy on Megaphone: Sponsored by, The Amazing Make-Anything-Edible Machine! Spray it on wood, metal, and even metal, and it will be completely edible!
Girl on Commercial: [eating wood] It's crunch-a-licious!
Disclaimer: [talking incredibly fast] The Amazing Make-Anything-Edible Machine, only $1300.99 plus double that in taxes. May cause warts or pimples. Not actually crunch-a-licious.
Guy on Megaphone: Remember to buy it!
    After Commercial Break
    7:48 P.M.
Host: Now, Pointy Guy Zombie form Slipknot was going to go, but he ran away. So, I guess that's the end of the show. See you next time for more fun, fun...
Zxsre the Hobo: Wait, who won?
Host: You did.
Zxsre the Hobo: [gets biten by Pointy Guy Zombie] Darnit!  If only in that 0.33 of a second that I'd had all of the money, I could have bought armour. [turns into zombie]
Audience Member #45: Hey, Host! emember that time you went to the Amazon?
Host: Hey look it's a snake! Aww, it's so cute. Come here. Wow you're a big one, eh? Hey, stop wrapping yourself around me now. [nervous laughter] He, he... you can stop now.
   [back to 'I am an Interviewer']
Host: Well, that's all we;ve got for this episode, but stay tuned for the next episode.
Narrator: That's it!


The start of the third episode...
7:00 P.M.
Host: Hi, and welcome to our show! If anybody died last time, it's to late to call your lawyers!
Audience Member #34: Get on with it!
Host: Okay, okay! This episode, our special guset is... Paris Hilton!
Audience Membr #35: Again?
Host: Yes.
Audience: Booooooo!!!!!!!
Host: Oh well. To bad. Our challenge tonight for Paris [whispering] she doesn't know this [talks loud again] is that we will have her attempt to answer easy trivia questions! Come in, Paris!
Paris Hilton: Hi!
Audience Member #39: I'm a dupe!
Round Number... wait!
7:09 P.M.
Host: Paris, have a seat.
Paris Hilton: Where, on the floor?
Host: No, in that pile of pig droppings!
Paris Hilton: [gags] Um... okay... [sits down; squelching noise]
Host: [sits in $1285 expensive chair] Now, Paris I'm going to ask yo a few questions. I...
Paris Hilton: I'm sinking in!
Host: It's very rude to interrupt!
Paris Hilton: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Host: Oh, fine! [gets up, helps Paris Hilton out]  Now, as I was saying, I'm going to ask you a few questions.
Paris Hilton: Okay.
Host: What is 2+3?
Paris Hilton: It is... Peter Griffin! Get out of here!
Peter Griffin: Sory, I was just tempted by the delicious... looking... cow... dung. [light starts shining down on Peter Griffin; Peter Griffin starts smiling;]
Security: You're coming with me, sir. [grabs Peter Griffin]
Peter Griffin: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Security: [throws Peter Griffin out]
Host: Well, that was odd.
Audience Member #32: That's not the only thing that's odd!
Host: [gasps] I bid $17 on a human hand, and I only get a finger! This is a nightmare!
   [back to 'I am an Interviewer']
Host: Well, Paris, you were about to tell us what 2+3 was?
Paris Hilton: 5.
Host: Wow. She got it right. [thinking] I only hope she doesn't get the next two right, or else I owe ten bucks to that zombie in the sushi costume. [talking out loud again] What colour shirt am I wearing?
Paris Hilton: You're wearing a red shirt.
Host: [thinking] Oh, no! She's getting them all right!
Audience Member #14: Let's have another flashback!
Host: Wow! It's 'The D.O.C.'!
The D.O.C.: [rapping]
Host: [Runs up on stage; raps terribly] Blah blah! I'm so blah blah!
The D.O.C.: That's not one of my songs.
Host: Um... blah blah... he he... [runs away]
   [back to 'I am an Interviewer']
Host: We're going to commercial!
After commercial break...
7:48 P.M.
Host: That's all the time we have for today! Stay...
Paris Hilton: But I thought I was going to be asked three questions!
Host: How did you know?
Paris Hilton: I don't know.
Host: That's weird.
Peter Griffin: Dun dun dun.
Narrator: The supply of donut's was eaten by someone named, 'Narrator'. Who... would... he... be? He he... [whispers, but you can still hear it] I told you not to mention my name! [talking to the camera again] That's all the time we have for today.


The beginning of the fourth episode
7:00 P.M.
Host: Hello! This episode, our special guest is going to be some of the audience members! Put up your hand if you want to be a special guest. [scans audience; no one puts hands up] Okay, I'm just going to pick some people!
Zombie Sushi Man: Me! Me! Me!
Host: No, Zombie Sushi Man. You've done this before.
Zombie Sushi Man: [groans; sits back down]
Host: You, in the blue shirt!
Blue-shirted Man: I'm only doing this becuase I like paste.
Host: Um... you, with the umbrella.
Umbrella Person: Is it raining?
Host: No.
Umbrella Person: Oh my God! It's raining! [jumps from top set of stairs] AAAHHHH!!!!
Host: Yeah, and... you.
A Guy: [walks down stairs] Yeah. Me.
Host: Yeah. You. No let's get on with it!
The start
7:18 P.M.
Host: Now, Blue-shirted Man, you're up first.
Blue-shirted Man: Does this challenge involve any sort of, paste...? [licks lips]
Host: No.
Blue-shirted Man: Darn!
Host: Please, take a seat here.
Blue-shirted Man: [sits down in chair]
Host: You are no glued to that chair. You can't quit.
Audience: [gasps]
Blue-shirted Man: [tries to get up, but can't]
Host: Okay, you must hop your chair to that finish line [points to a long piece of paper shaped like a line that says 'finish' on it] in 1 minute. Got it?
Blue-shirted Man: Yes.
Host: Okay, ready. Set. Go!
Blue-shirted Man: [hops; falls; gets back up]
Host: 30 seconds.
Blue-shirted man: [turns head around] left, or taken up.
Host: Does it matter?
Blue-shirted Man: No...
Host: 15 seconds.
Blue-shirted Man: [turns back around; starts hopping]
Host: 10 seconds.
Audience: 10... 9... 8...
Blue-shirted Man: [almost at the finish line]
Audience: 5... 4...
Blue-shirted Man: [goes through finish line.]
Host: Umm...
Blue-shirted Man: Woo hoo! I win, so what do I...
Host: [throws tomato at Blue-shirted Man]
Blue-shirted Man: AAAHHH!!!! [tomato lands in mouth; he spits it out] You are disgusting! [spits]
Audience Member #20: That's not the only thing that's disgusting! Is it, Host?
Host: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! Oh.... AAAAHHHH!!
Roommate: What?
Host: [speechless; pointing at floor in horror]
Roommate: What is it?
Host: [still pointingto the floor]
Roommate: What, this? [picks up crumb]
Host: [nods; still frightened]
Roommate: It's just a crumb?
Host: [nods; runs away]
Roommate: Weird.
   [back to 'I am an Interviewer']
Host: Oh yeah... um... he he... I do have a slight fear of crumbs...
Crumb-delivery Man: [walks through door] Did anybody order 100 orders of crumbs?
Host: AAHH!!! [hides behind chair]
Crumb-delivery Man: Did anybody order 100 orders of crumbs?
Host: [whimpering]
Crumb-delivery Man: Oh, I'll just dump them on the floor. [dumps them on floor; leaves set of 'I am an Interviewer']
Blue-shirted Man: [laughing]
Host: [picks Blue-shirted Man up and throws him]
Blue-shirted Man: OOWWW!!!!
Host: Umm... so I guess Umbrella Person is up next.
Umbrealla Person: It's raining! OH MY GOD IT'S RAINING!!!!
Host: It's not raining.
Umbrella Person: Did somebody just say raining?
Host: I...
Umbrella Person: SOMEBODY JUST SAID RAINING!!!! [jumps up and down many times] AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Host: Umbrella Person! Just do the challenge!
Umbrella Person: [stops jumping up and down] Challenge?
Host: Yes, challenge. The challenge you are going to do is pick one box out of three. The box you pick could be $2, a hair, or a toothpick.
Umbrella Person: I hope I get the toothpick.
Host: Stand over here please. [points to line on the floor in front of table with three boxes on it]
Umbrella Person: [moves and stands on line]
Host: Now, pick a box.
Umbrella Person: Umm... this one. [grabs a box]
Host: Good. Now, open the box.
Umbrella Person: [opens box] Aww... I got a hair.
Host: Ohhh... well, good. Bye.
Umbrella Person: IS IT RAINING?
Host: N...
Umbrella Person: It's raining, isn't it!
Host: No, it isn't.
Umbrella Person: [runs off stage yelling, "IT'S RAINING!!!"]
Host: Okay, we are going to take a quick break. If you want to know what 'I am an Interviewer' is brought to you by, too bad!
7:42 P.M.
Host: Okay, now A Guy is going to go.
A Guy: Okay.
Host: Your challenge is to throw this thing [hands A Guy a thing] and hope it lands in that circle.
A Guy: Okay.
Host: Ready, go!
A Guy: [throws thing; it lands outside of the circle]
Host: Sorry, you missed the circle.
A Guy: Oh.
Host: So, bye.
A Guy: Bye.
Host: Umm... bye.
A Guy: [walks off stage]
Host: He was unusually calm about losing... anyway, that's it for our show. Don't forget to watch for the next episode!
Audience Member #34: But there are still ten minutes left!
Host: Oh. Well...
Audience Member #37: How about a flashback?
Host: Okay...
Host: Whoops. Whoops. Whoops. Whoops. Whoops.
Random Person: What are you doing?
Host: Nothing.
Random Person: Yes you are.
Host: Fine, I'm playing a game I made up, called 'Whoops'.
Random Person: How do you play?
Host: Just keep saying, 'Whoops'.
Random Person: Okay.
Host: Whoops.
Random Person: Whoops.
Host: Whoops.
Random Person: Whoops
Host: Whoops.
Random Person: Whoops.
Host: Whoops.
Random Person: This game is boring.
Host: [infuriated; jumps on top of Random Person] Take that back!
   [back to 'I am an Interviewer']
Audience Member #14: That wasn't that funny.
Host: Neither is this. [slams head against chair]
Audience Member #14: You're right.
Host: Well, this is the end of the epsiode!
Narrator: So, the end of episode four is here. Don't forget to stay tuned for our next episode, which will be episode five. Paste. Bye.


The beginning of the fifth episode
7:00 P.M.
Host: Welcome to the fifth episode of 'I am an Interviewer'. Due to the Fox Corporation's negative views, and budget problems, we will be forced to censor half of this episode!
Audience Member #32: *************! *******.
Host: See!
Audience Member #21: Yes, we see!
Audience Member #43: And why are we in the McDonalds Corporation's head office!
Host: Well, you see, that is the purpose of our show today. We will be interviewing the heads of the McDonald's Corporation! Aren't you excited?
  [nobody says anything]
Random Audience Member: I can't believe I wasted my 3 dollars on this.
Host: Well, you did. So cool it or you'll get kicked out.
Random Audience Member, who had just been identified as Audience Member #14: What? I have bad hearing.
Audience Member #14: I'll be picked up?
Host: No, you'll be KICKED OUT!
Audience Member #14: OKAY! [sits back in seat]
Host: Okay, I am going too chose 3 audinece members to ask questions to the heads of the McDonals's Corporation! Umm... [pointing] you, you, and you.
  [the three of them come down to the stage]
Host: What are your names? [holds microphone up to ther mouths]
Person #1: My name is Gi...
Host: Okay, I didn't ask for your life's story. [hols microphone up to the next person's mouth]
Person #2: My name is Rosatundra... HAHAHA!! I'm prone to laugh... HA HA! attacks... HA HA!
Host: Interesting. And... you. [hold microphone up to last person's mouth]
Person #3 (or rather, Zombie #3): I am the Zoommbie Suusshhi Man... braiiiinnnnssss...
Host: [mumbling] why do I always pick him. [speaks up] Bring the heads of McDonald's IN!
Interviewing the heads of the McDonald's Corporation
7:32 P.M.
Host: What are your names, gentlemen?
McDonald's Head #1: I am Fatness.
McDonald's Head #2: I am Lardness.
McDonald's Head #3: And I am the -not-so-healthy Salad Choices Man.
Host: Okay, have a seat. [directs the three heads to three seats].
Fatness: Ugh... these chairs make my fat jiggle.
Lardness: Yes, my Lard is becmoing stretched. [points to gradually stretching lard].
The Not-So-Healthy Salad Chocies Man (We'll call him T.N.S.H.S.C.M. form now on though): My almost perfect physique is ruined, thanks to You!
Host: [pointing at T.N.S.H.S.C.M.] Ha Ha! [sops pointing] Okay, first question will be to Fatness from... Gi.
Gi: My name is Gi...
Host: We already know! Now ask the question, before Lardness breaks the seat.
Gi: Fine. Okay, Fatness, why is their not healthier chocies at McDonald's.
Fatness: Well, then poeple wouldn't get addicted to our Big Mac Sauce.
Gi: Okay, what's in your Big Mac Sauce?
Fatness: Umm... it's a secret.
Gi: Please.
Fatness: No.
Gi: Please.
Fatness: No.
Gi: Please.
Fatness: Fine. Its one and only ingredient is... well, actually, they are two ingredients, and they are... Human Noses and Glass.
Audience: [gasps; disgusted]
Fatness: That's what gives it that tang.
Host: Thank you, Fatness [throws Big Mac to the side of the stage] and thank you, Gi. Second question is from... Rosatundra to Lardness!
Rosatundra: HAHAHA!! Okay, umm.. He he... umm... why is their not medicine in the... Ha Ha... big mac sauce?
Lardness: It would make it less addicting.
Host: Is that your answer ot everything?
Lardness: Well, most things.
Host: Thank you, Rosatnudra and thank you, Lardness. Our last question is from... Zombie Sushi Man... to T.N.S.H.S.C.M.
The Last Question
7: 50 P.M.
Zombie Sushi Man: Braaaiiinnsss [eating T.N.S.H.S.C.M.'s brains] Brraaiinnsss.
Host: Oh, not again. Everybody RUN!!!!
Audience: [screaming and running away]
Host: Well, there was one good thing about this episode, Peter Griffin never showed up.
Voice from Beside Host: Did I not?
Host: [looks over; gasps]
Peter Griffin: It is I, Peter Griffin, who snuck in using some very, very complicated tools: a stick of gum and a cheestring. I will be back, BWHAHAHAHA!! [vanishes]
Host: That was weird.
Narrator: And then the whole head office of McDonald's was evacutated. Stay tuned for the next episode.  

The beginning of the sixth episode
5:30 PM
Host: Welcome to the show! Today we have no script! So we're just going to wing it.
Audience Member #45: What? I paid 500 dollars for this seat! I demand some quality entartainment!
Host: Well we're boardcast on Fox, so you won't get any of that here.
Five minutes later
5:35 PM
Host: Did I tell you about the time my show got stuck in the vending machine?
Audience: Yes.
Host: How about the time I went skydiving but took a bedsheet instead of a parachute?
Audience: Yes.
Host: Hold on, I'm recieving breaking news that there is a guest coming in today!
Audience: YAY!
Hilary Duff: [walks on stage]
Audience: BOO! [throws numerous tomatoes at Hilary Duff]
Hilary Duff: You've ruined my perfect hair!
Audience Member #32: Ha ha!
Host: People please! Don;t throw tomatoes, throw bricks!
The start of the interview
6:12 PM
Host: So, Hilary, what's life like on the road?
Hilary Duff: I don't live on a road, you fool!
Host: Wow.
Hilary Duff: Just because I have apporixmately 4 brain cells doesn't mean that you can make fun of me! I'm actually very smart!
Audience Member #53: What's 2+2?
Hilary Duff: I am not required to answer that.
Host: Yes you are.
Hilary Duff: Well, I believe the answer is... [counts on fingers] carry the 5... pi+rsquared... 0.
Host: That is by the far the smartest thing you've ever said Hilary.
Hilary Duff: See, I told you!
Audience Member #53: Yeah, the smartest tihng ever. [winks at Host]
The middle of the show
6:53 PM
Host: Well, this is the middle of our show, and as is customary we're going to make Hilary eat something disgusting
Hilary Duff: That's not customary!
Host: It is now. Bring out the disgusting food!
Hilary Duff: Eww! What is that?
Host: This is dirt, mixed with cavier, sprinkled with feces and topped with a combination of spoiled milk and lima beans. You must eat it all in 5 minutes.
Audience Member #25: Good lord! There must be 50 pounds of the stuff!
Host: 51 to be precise. Go!
Hilary Duff: [commences eating] I can't tell the feces apart from the dirt!
Host: That's the point!
The shortest section ever
7:14 PM
Host: Bla
The end of the show
7:27 PM
Host: Well, it's almost the end of our show. Let's see if Hilary has eaten the 51 pouns of dirt, feces, cavier, spoiled milk, and lima beans!
Hilary Duff: I did it!
Host: She's done it! Hilary's eaten all 51 pounds! I must say I'm surprised, Hilary!
Hilary Duff: Well, you know.
Host: Join us next week for another episode of 'I Am An Interviewer'!

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